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Post by Abaigael Coughlan on Jul 6, 2014 21:52:01 GMT
Upon hearing her say that they were beautiful and that they would be a good flower to have at the wedding she would grin up at her, her silver eyes twinkling with happiness. When the woman kneeled down beside her she would lean slightly against her, grinning as the Queen moved to sniff the flowers. When she pulled back Abi would wrap her arms around the other woman, resting her head against her shoulder as she looks at the flowers. The smile on her face slowly melted away as she came to realize that something was wrong; she’d known Morgan for so long now that she came to “sense” her moods, though she had learned not to question them as Morgan more often than not refused to tell her what was wrong. However, she would move to gentle kiss the other woman’s cheek, tightening her hold on the other woman for a few moments before pulling away and standing, offering a hand to help Morgan up to her feet. She couldn’t resist asking, though, and would eventually speak, “What’s on your mind?” She doubted she would receive an answer, but she couldn’t help herself; she couldn’t help lighten Morgan’s mood if she didn’t know what was wrong.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2014 2:51:20 GMT
She had been happy for a moment or two while she'd cuddled with Abaigael, but the thought had crossed her mind of her deceased husband. Now a sigh drifted from her lips and tears formed in her eyes as she realized she would have to tell the woman now that they were planning to get married. She loved Abi with her whole heart, and while she knew the woman loved her too, she feared that Abi would leave after hearing this. "Love, I have something that I have to tell you," she whispered passed the sob that choked her. Tears fell down her cheeks and she wiped at them, but they kept coming. "My husband. The rumors are true, but not for the reason they say. I did have him killed, but not to gain power, Abi. I had him killed because it was the only thing I could think to do. He threatened to kill you if I didn't break it off, but I knew he would kill you either way. I couldn't take you and run because he would have hunted us to the ends of the earth and killed us both. I couldn't take you to my sister and hide because her husband is too much of a coward and would have outed us to my husband the minute that we arrived," she paused, though tears still flowed freely down her cheeks. "Abi. He was planning to kill me after I bore him the heir that he needed. I paid someone to find out that information and when I did; as well as the other information that person provided about killing you or both of us even if I did break it off..I didn't know what else to do, love," she said around a sob. "And I know how you feel about those things and I'm so sorry that I kept it from you for this long, but I didn't know how to tell you. But I couldn't stand not telling you if we were to get married. And I know you probably won't even want to be around me after hearing this, but," she let her voice trail off and dropped her head into her hands. "I didn't know what else to do," she practically wailed. |
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Post by Abaigael Coughlan on Jul 8, 2014 4:35:04 GMT
Abaigael immediately became alarmed when she saw Morgan’s tears, though when she heard her say that there was something she had to tell her she felt her heart clench, fear racing through her veins. Despite her fear she would move to embrace the woman, reaching up to tuck her head against her shoulder as she holds onto her, worried more about her tears than what she was about to tell her, “Shh, it’s okay,” she would murmur softly, only to pull back a little, lifting her hands to gently cup the other woman’s face in her hands, brushing her thumbs below her eyes before the other woman could began to talk. Though, once she did start talking Abi would drop her hands, almost as if they’d been burned, clutching them to her chest as she stares at Morgan, her eyes wide as horror and shock developed over her face. She would lean away from the woman, though she couldn’t tear her silver gaze away from Morgan’s face. She wasn’t quite sure what she felt; part of her was horrified, another part understood why she’d done it, and yet another just wanted to hold the woman and stop her tears. She could feel her heart beating wildly in her chest as Morgan’s words rang through her ears, trying to figure out how she felt about it. Eventually she would blink, “Oh…kay,” she would say slowly, her voice wavering and thick with uncertainty.
She wanted to be angry, she really really wanted to hate her for it. She wanted to scream and cry and tell her she didn’t love her anymore, but as it was she could feel a pain in her heart, not quite as if it was breaking, but more like she’d been betrayed. Almost the same feeling as when her father had sent her away, but a thousand times worse. “You…couldn’t tell me?” she would ask, honestly a little dumbfounded. She couldn’t quite understand everything that the woman had said. When she said that she didn’t like those kinds of things and apologized and said she didn’t know what to do she would stare at her, “You’re right…I don’t…” she would say, her voice low. It was pretty much the only thing she could do at this point; agree or disagree with what was spilling from Morgan’s mouth. As she watched the woman cry she could feel a sort of self-loathing building in her chest, and she couldn’t help but wonder why Morgan didn’t hate her for it, for bringing her to the point where she felt that she had to kill her husband, for not refusing her affections until they stopped, for not going to her own stupid bed the night that her husband had walked in on them. Because of course Abi felt as if it was her fault now.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2014 4:45:42 GMT
"No, I couldn't tell you, Abaigael. I couldn't tell you because I couldn't stand the idea of facing the resentment you would harbor towards me. I couldn't tell you because I didn't know if you would believe me or understand what had happened," she sighed and rubbed her hands over her face. "I don't know how to do this, Abi. I don't know why I did it except for the reasons that I gave you, and yet despite all of those reasons and despite the fact that I know he wouldn't feel remorse for killing either of us, I deal with his death on my hands day in and day out and I hate myself for it. I can't help but feel like there must have been something else that I could have done, even though I can't think of it," she sighed again and though the tears still spilled down her face she forced herself to stand up. She paced and couldn't bring herself to look at Abaigael's face. "I hate myself," she repeated. "And I don't blame you for hating me, too," she stated. "I don't know what else to say," she admitted before dropping down a few paces away from the other woman. |
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Post by Abaigael Coughlan on Jul 8, 2014 5:30:50 GMT
Abi suddenly felt as if she needed space, not from Morgan but just from everybody. She felt emotions that she couldn’t even begin to decipher crushing her chest and making it hard to breath, and she felt almost like if she didn’t get up and go somewhere that she was going to suffocate. She didn’t move though, she sat there and forced herself to continue to listen to Morgan. She would swallow when she said that she didn’t know how to do “this”, wondering what she had meant by that, and feeling her heart rip to pieces at the possibility that she had meant that she didn’t know how to be with her. Her brain wasn’t quite working at its full potential at the moment and her emotions just didn’t quite understand logic at the moment. When Morgan said that she hated herself Abi would bite her bottom lip, trying to think of something to say, but her mind was just blank.
When the woman stood and began to pace she would watch her, still lost in a pit of emotional confusion. She would shake her head slightly when Morgan said that she hated herself once again, followed by her saying that she didn’t blame Abi for hating her too. She couldn’t understand why Morgan would hate herself when she knew that it was her fault, but she wouldn’t mention it at the moment, “I don’t…” she would start, her voice wavering, “I couldn’t hate you…” she would say, her brows furrowing as she watches the other woman sink down to the grass. She wanted to go to the woman but at the same time she couldn’t; she felt as if she was paralyzed, unable to move.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2014 5:38:49 GMT
"How could you not hate me? How, when I hate myself," she muttered softly. Honestly she just wanted to collapse onto her side or her stomach and lay in the grass until her tears stopped flowing. She wanted to hold the woman that she loved at the same time, but she didn't dare move back over to her. A sigh drifted from her lips and she dropped the rest of the way to the ground, laying on her stomach with one leg propped up next to her as she just let herself sob into her own arms. She didn't know what else to do. Didn't know if there was anything else that she could do. After a time her sobs eventually faded, and she just didn't seem to have any more tears to cry. She just laid there, on the ground, with her face buried in her arms for a little while longer before she managed to compose herself enough to push back up into a sitting position. She scrubbed her hands over her face and did her best to fix her appearance. She forced herself to stand up and slowly started away from Abaigael, intent on giving the woman some sort of space to process all of this. |
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Post by Abaigael Coughlan on Jul 8, 2014 6:01:19 GMT
Upon hearing her question she would shake her head slightly, despite the fact that Morgan couldn’t see her, “Because I love you…” she would say, her voice practically a whimper, feeling a sharp pang in her chest. She couldn’t help but wonder if Morgan was breaking off their relationship, and as Morgan sprawled out on the ground and sobbed she felt more and more like that was what was happening. When she saw Morgan stand her breath would hitch in her throat, her gaze lifting to the back of the woman’s head as she expected her to turn around only to have her begin to walk away.
She would stare after the woman for a moment, confused before she felt her heart rip to pieces, shredding and then being stomped into her ribcage with every step that the other woman took away from her. She suddenly felt tears begin to stream down her face as she struggled with a sob that was trying to break free from her throat, not wanting it to. “W-why are you leaving m-me?” she would cry, drawing up her legs and crossing her arms over her knees, pressing her face into her arms as she begins to sob uncontrollably.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2014 6:08:39 GMT
Stunned by the question and the stutter in it she spun around to face Abi. A sob choked her, despite the fact that she'd thought her tears were dried up. Forcing herself not to leave she returned to the woman's side and crouched down on the ground next to her, wrapping her arms around her. "I'm not leaving you, Abi," she tried to assure the woman. "I didn't know what to do. I thought you would want space. Time to think about this. I didn't mean for you to think that I was leaving you," she said, choking back another sob. She lifted a shaky hand to brush some of the woman's hair back from her face and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head. "I love you, with all my heart, and that will never change," she said on a sigh. "I just...I didn't know if you would be able to handle this," she said honestly. "How many people would be able to handle their significant other telling them that they had killed their spouse? Even if it was something the other person was trying to force themself to believe was justified," she asked sincerely. |
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Post by Abaigael Coughlan on Jul 8, 2014 6:25:13 GMT
When she felt Morgan’s arms wrap around her she would melt into the woman, though she couldn’t seem to staunch the sobs that continued to bubble up from her chest. She wasn’t really listening to her, though, merely clinging to the other woman and sobbing. Eventually she would manage to find a break in between the sobs, “I’m so, so sorry,” she would cry, tightening her hold on the other woman, “I don’t want space, I don’t…” she would say, cut off by another sob, “Don’t want anything,” she would practically wail, “I want you, I want you, and I’m so sorry,” she would say, burying her face in the front of the other woman’s dress. She heard the other woman profess her love, followed by her saying that she didn’t know if Abi could handle it, before talking about the topic that she really didn’t want to hear about. She didn’t blame Morgan for it at all, she knew that she was responsible for it happening, and she couldn’t be mad at her fiancé for it happening. So, she would speak about it, instead tightening her hold on Morgan as tears continued to stream down her face, “I just…I love you and I don’t know what I would do if you left,” she would say, her voice breaking on another sob towards the end.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2014 6:32:50 GMT
Her heart clenched at the woman's words and sobs. She just hugged her tighter for a moment. "Oh Abi," she said softly. "I couldn't leave you," she promised. After a moment or two of letting the other woman sob she pulled one hand back and cupped the woman's chin gently, lifting it so that she could look into her eyes. "I love you, and as I recall I spent a good deal of time trying to persuade you to accept my affections. If you think, after all that, that I would willingly give you up, then I must be doing something wrong," she said on a sigh, her brows creasing with concern. She pressed a soft kiss to the woman's cheek and dropped her hand so that she could tug the woman closer to her, sitting back down on the ground rather than crouching. She pulled Abi into her lap once she was seated on the ground and just held her tight. "I am sorry that I ever made you feel like I didn't want you," she whispered, her voice giving away the tears that filled her eyes again. "You are all I have ever wanted in life, and I hope one day that I can make you feel that way." |
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Post by Abaigael Coughlan on Jul 8, 2014 7:13:44 GMT
Upon hearing the woman say that she couldn’t leave her she felt herself calm a little bit, though she continued to sob; it seemed almost as if she would never stop crying. When the woman cupped her chin and tilted her head back her breath would hitch in her throat, peering back at the woman through the tears that continued to leak from her eyes. When she heard her speak she felt even worse, even more guilt building in her chest. She couldn’t help it, her mind had just jumped to the worst thing imaginable and honestly it had seemed more than a little logical. “I’m sorry…” she would murmur. It seemed to be the only other thing that she could say at this point, besides that she didn’t want Morgan to leave her.
When the woman sat back in the grass and pulled her into her lap she would wrap her arms tightly around her, pressing her face into the other woman’s neck as she listens to her speak. She would tightly clutch the back of the other woman’s dress, as if she didn’t hold onto her the other woman would get up and try to leave again, despite the fact that she was trying to reassure her that she wouldn’t. When she said that she was sorry she would shake her head slightly, “N-no. You don’t n-need to be,” she would say, ‘I wouldn’t want me either’ resting on the edge of her lips though she would refuse to say it, afraid that if she did that Morgan would realize that she shouldn’t want her after all. She wouldn’t respond to her next statement, instead clinging tighter to the other woman.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2014 7:22:46 GMT
Morgan sighed as Abi clung to her and said that she was sorry and that she didn't have to apologize. She shook her head but just continued to hold the other woman. She didn't want to say something that might upset Abi again and send her into another fit of hysterics. Not because she couldn't handle it, but because she felt like a horrible person every time the other woman cried. "I love you," she muttered, pressing her lips against the side of Abi's head and just closing her eyes for a moment or two. She inhaled deeply, still not willing to let go of Abaigael at the moment. When she had assured her that she didn't want space, Morgan had been to relieved by the statement to really think about it. Now she was wondering what was going through the other woman's mind. Now she wondered if Abi hadn't said that just because she was afraid that Morgan was ending things between them. But at the moment she didn't care enough to let go of the other woman. She needed the comfort of the closeness that they were sharing. That might be selfish of her, but she needed it. |
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Post by Abaigael Coughlan on Jul 8, 2014 7:38:36 GMT
When she heard the woman say that she loved her she would sigh softly, holding onto her just a bit tighter, “I love you too,” she would murmur softly. Eventually the tears would seize to pour from her eyes, her breathing eventually calming so that she was no longer sobbing. She wouldn’t move though, instead remaining there, feeling secure wrapped in the other woman’s arms despite everything that had been revealed, and despite the fact that she felt like Morgan might up and leave her now. Eventually she would let go of Morgan’s dress with one hand in order to bring it around and wipe it roughly over her face, resting it on Morgan’s chest after that, right above the other woman’s heart. The rhythm of its beating and of her love’s breathing helped to soothe her frayed nerves, and she would eventually close her eyes for a few moments. She would remain the hold that she had on her with her other arm, though, still refusing to allow the woman even an opportunity to leave. She was truly and thoroughly scared that it might happen now. Perhaps it was because immediately following her confession she had thought very briefly about breaking off their relationship, or because she felt that there must be some other reason for Morgan telling her now, like a want to drive her away or something.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2014 7:52:19 GMT
A sigh of relief escaped her when Abi said that she loved her too. She scooped the woman up into her arms and slowly managed to find a way to stand up without hurting either of them or releasing her hold on the other woman. The ground had become god awfully uncomfortable. She walked across the garden back to her chambers and carefully opened the door to let them in. Once there she gently placed Abi on the bed before she bent down to take the woman's shoes on. Standing up she removed her own shoes and climbed into the bed next to the woman. She pulled Abi back into her arms and laid back with her, pressing a soft kiss to her temple as she did so. "I don't know what comes next," she admitted with a soft sigh. "But I do know that whatever it is will be your decision. I love you, and even if you make the decision that you cannot stand by me because of what I did, I will still love you," she paused and inhaled shakily. "This is the only thing that I have kept from you, and while it was a rather big thing..I felt that you needed to know before we got married..if you will still have me. Starting a marriage off with a secret that big is never a good thing, and I know it wasn't a good idea to keep it from you this long. For that I am sorry," she said softly. |
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Post by Abaigael Coughlan on Jul 8, 2014 8:14:33 GMT
When the other woman picked her up she wouldn’t say anything, merely hiding her face against Morgan’s neck as she wraps her arms around her once again. She had no idea where they were going, nor did she care until she felt herself being shifting away from Morgan’s body. Her eyes would spring open and she would pull her head back, fear dancing through her eyes only to realize that they were in Morgan’s rooms, and Morgan was trying to lay her down on the bed. She would carefully let go of the other woman as she placed her down, biting her bottom lip as the woman took off her shoes before moving to remove her own. When she climbed into bed beside her she would sigh softly, closing her eyes as she felt herself being tugged into the other woman’s arms. She felt much more secure now, tucked in Morgan’s arms, in her room with not easy way for the woman to leave her.
When she said that she didn’t know what came next she would open her eyes, looking at the woman as her jaw clenches a bit. She would wait until the woman had finished speaking before shifting to place a tender kiss on her lips, even as fear seized her chest once again. She felt almost as if it was something that wouldn’t go away now. “Please, just stop talking like that,” she would say, her tone obviously distressed. “We’re not going to…to separate. I love you, and I told you that I was going to marry you, so that means I’m going to,” she would say, though she didn’t say anything about the other thing. It was almost as if she couldn’t, as if she’d blocked it out completely. “I couldn’t ever leave you,” she would say, her brows drawing together as she looks at the woman, “And…I just. I would never be the same if we weren’t together.”
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