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Post by Ciar MacAteer on Aug 7, 2014 2:18:51 GMT
Ciar had not found Lorcan after leaving the field of the Knight Games. The next day however, she was in luck, as a servant told her that she could find him in the stables. With that information, she ran to the kitchen(s) in order to get the right amount of assistance. Ciar had a habit of treating servants like extended family for the most part, as her actual family was so small and she had grown used to being left home alone with them. In this way, during her stay in the Southern Kingdom she had found the soft spot of one of the older women working in the kitchen, and this is to whom she went in search of goodies. The woman ended up giving Ciar a small basket full of all sorts of baked items and Ciar hugged the woman before leaving the kitchen(s) and heading towards the stables for her brother. The woman would watch Ciar go and shake her head at the young Lady that had been friendly during her visit.
Ciar approached the stables, taking a deep breath to steady her nerves. She had no idea what would happen, and this felt like such a pivotal moment in her young life. Once she reached her destination, she would look inside. The familiar scent of horses soothing her anxiety. "Lorcan?" she called out, uncertain of where in the stables he might be.
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Post by Lorcan MacAteer on Aug 7, 2014 19:53:38 GMT
Lorcan was in a rather spacious stall with his stallion, Airgead, brushing him out and talking soothingly to him. He usually came out when he needed some time to think, and that was definitely true at this point in time. It wasn’t like he didn’t have anywhere or anybody else he could go to talk to, but it was nice to spend time with the horse as well. He’d saved his ass plenty of times, so this was the least he could do to repay him. When he heard a familiar voice calling out to him he’d pat Airgead’s side and move to leave the stall, “I’ll be right there, Princess,” he’d call back, moving to put the brush away before walking out towards the entrance. When he got there and saw the basket in his sister’s hand he would chuckle softly, moving to place an affectionate kiss on the top of her head, “Picnic?” he’d ask her with a tip of his head, wondering if that’s what she had planned. He wouldn’t object to the idea; he knew that he needed to pay attention to his sibling as well, he just hadn’t expected her to come to him so soon. He figured that she was still upset with him over what had happened at the masquerade.
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Post by Ciar MacAteer on Aug 8, 2014 4:14:32 GMT
Ciar offered a grin when she saw her brother, she couldn't help it, she just had that much love for him and deep down she knew that he never meant her any harm and that he just wanted to protect her. She just could not stay mad at him or Connall for very long; after all, they had always let her tag along from the time she could walk, except for the wars, of course. "If you are up for it?" she asked playfully. When Lorcan kissed the top of her head, it made her feel loved and protected, as well as guilty since he did not yet know about what happened yesterday. Her tone became more serious, "Lorcan? I really need to talk to you." Ciar bites her lower lip. Then she reaches into the basket and picks out a baked good and hands it to him. Everything was better with food, right? If he didn't take it, she would simply put it back into the basket to let him pick something else out. "I do not suppose we're going to have a picnic amongst the horses, as lovely as they are," she said with a smile, letting the familiarity of the stable ease some of her anxiety yet again.
Ciar would lead the way out of the stables and to just a short distance away. She would sit down on the grass and put the basket down, to where Lorcan could have his choice of anything inside of it. She would wait until he had followed her and possibly picked through the basket before she would speak again. "Okay, so... let me just tell you everything before you say anything, okay?" More like, before she lost her nerve. "As far back as I can remember, I have always wanted to be like you and Connall. I hated being left behind when you both went to War. I wanted to go too, and I started training while you were away, I had some lessons. I used the sword you gave me. I know you didn't MEAN for me to use it, but... a sword isn't decoration. It is so much more than that." She stopped to take a quick breath, then continued, "I was really mad, and well, I decided to participate in the Knight Games. I dressed up like a Squire and I placed second in Archery, though it doesn't count anymore. I also... participated in the melee, and I WAS doing really well, I even eliminated this English guy. Then I saw Cori and she..." Ciar trailled off briefly, that particular scene replaying in her mind. She would never forget. She shuddered. "I got distracted. I didn't know that could happen! I swear! A knight knocked me over and my helm fell off, and he offered to yield to me, but I was disqualified... that's why I'm not second in Archery anymore... and I'm REALLY SORRY... but I did not think you would let me? I promise I will NEVER do that again... without more training. Because? Lorcan? I met Esras Kavanagh and he offered to train me... but.. he's from the North? and I REALLY want to be a Knight, a Warrior like you and Connall... and I'll understand if you say I can't go North, but please, please, can he train me? I promise I'll try to stay out of trouble, and you and Connall would not have to worry about me as much if I could fight better."
She finally stopped and dared to let her brown gaze rest on her brother to watch his expression to her long winded story. She probably could have done a much better job, or taken it slower, or anything. But at least she had thought of food and she was honest about the whole situation. In a sad, uncertain voice, she whispers, "I just want to be like you," more to herself than to him. She wanted Connall and Lorcan to be proud of her.
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Post by Lorcan MacAteer on Aug 13, 2014 0:32:06 GMT
Lorcan simply stared at her. Confusion passed over his face as she spoke, not quite able to comprehend what she was telling him at first, though after she’d grown quiet he managed to piece it together. And after piecing it together he just stared at her some more, his expression more blank than confused though, as he wasn’t quite sure how to react. Part of him knew that he should be proud of her for taking this initiative and showing her worth and not being afraid to follow her dreams, but another part was extremely disappointed, and actually a smidge angry. He felt disappointed in himself for not raising her to be a better lady, though he was more disappointed in the fact that she would lie to him; the fact that she didn’t trust him enough to look out for her happiness that she had to lie to him and sneak around his back to do something like this. He liked to think that if she’d asked him he would have allowed it before any of this deceit had to happen, though he wouldn’t really know because he’d never been faced with the opportunity. And with the disappointment about all of that was just a smidge of anger, because no disappointment could be felt without being angry, no matter what one might say.
After awhile of staring at her he would emit a rather heavy sigh, reaching up to rub his forehead as he lets his eyes flutter shut, knowing that there was no way that he would be able to deny her this, even if he might have been against it and even though he was rather upset with her. “Princess…” he would say, dropping his hand and shaking his head as another sigh falls from his lips. “I’m…I’m so disappointed,” he would say, hurt flashing through his eyes though he would quickly continue, “But there isn’t much I can really do about it. Sure, Kavanagh can train you, but you can’t leave the Kingdom that Connall and I are in. Not because I don’t think that you’re not capable, but because I’d miss you too much,” he’d say with a shake of his head, “Just don’t get yourself hurt, and he might be training you but I’ll find you a different Knight to squire under,” he would say, though the words physically hurt him. It took a lot of self control for him not to just start screaming at her, though he did manage it. If she tried to hug him or anything he would gently push her away, not quite in the mood to be affectionate with her, and not wanting her to think that he was actually happy with her. It wasn’t him being petty either; it was letting her know that while she might have gotten the privilege to train with somebody, he was rather upset with her and quite a bit of trust had been lost.
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Post by Ciar MacAteer on Aug 13, 2014 4:58:44 GMT
Ciar was unable to keep her expressions off of her face like her brother was, and she watched him expectantly, all sorts of emotions taking their toll on her. When he finally reacted and spoke, it was to show that he was disappointed in her, and if she had not been sitting, she might have fallen to the ground from the way it felt as though the wind had been knocked out of her sails. Then he gave permission for her to train with Esras, and even went so far as to say that she could Squire under a knight! However, her brother's disappointment in her had completely derailed her excitement at the prospect of her deepest wish coming true. Her shoulders would slump, dejectedly. She would jump to her feet and attempt to hug Lorcan, only for him to gently push her away. When that happened, her lower lip would quiver for the briefest of moments and her eyes would fill with unshed tears.
"I am sorry Lor," she was able to squeak out amidst the feeling of being choked by emotion. Ciar wrapped her arms about herself and lowered her gaze to the ground, to hide the tears that started falling. What had she been thinking? She hadn't, and now Lor was beyond upset with her, he was disappointed. She'd never be able to make him proud of her now; she just wasn't the Lady he wanted her to be. She had never disappointed him outright before and she didn't know how to handle it. Connall and Lorcan were everything she had in the world, though now Cori and Ina had been added to their extended family. She felt like the lowest of the low, and she desperately wanted to run and hide away, but instead she just stood there trying to hide the silent tears that streamed down her cheeks by keeping her head bowed. She whispers, just loud enough for him to hear, "Please forgive me."
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Post by Lorcan MacAteer on Aug 16, 2014 16:52:40 GMT
Lorcan would shake his head at her apology, though he wouldn’t say anything. When she wrapped her arms around herself and looked down at the ground he would sigh, his brows furrowing as guilt immediately began to dance around in his chest. The feelings of disappointment didn’t go away, though, and he knew that if he just acted like everything was all rainbows and butterflies that it would come back to bite him in the ass later, so he didn’t say then either. “It’s not that I can’t forgive you, Ciar. You’re already forgiven. It’s that I can’t trust you anymore. I trusted you to confide in me, no matter what it might be, and you couldn’t do that. That could have cost you your life. What if it had been you, instead of Cori, that had been faced by that man? He would have killed you and laughed over your corpse,” he would say. He wasn’t trying to scare her, he was just being honest. “And I don’t want any promises from you about how you won’t fight in a melee until you’ve been trained more, either. It’s obvious that you’re just going to do whatever you want to do anyways,” he would say with a shrug, once again not trying to be hurtful. He was just an honest man; he said what was on his mind and didn’t quite care if somebody would hate him for it.
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Post by Ciar MacAteer on Aug 17, 2014 0:56:50 GMT
Ciar would look up when he said she was already forgiven, no longer hiding the fact that she'd been crying silently. She lifts an arm to wipe at her face, to hide the tracks of tears on her cheeks. She could not make sense of the two major feelings that were warring inside of her: a crazy combination of depression and anger.
Quietly, "I honestly did not know that could happen. I get it, I was being a stupid girl. A stupid girl that just ..." she trailed off, choked by emotion. She wasn't hiding the tears that escaped her eyes anymore, but he was a lot taller than her so might not notice right away as the tears just quietly continued to make more tracks down her cheeks. She had never been so upset in her life. "I can not do anything right," and with that her entire body shook with the force of a cry. She again wiped at her face with her sleeve, holding her breath a moment to get control of herself. "How can I, Lorcan? I am just the little girl that follows you and Connall everywhere and gets left behind anyway. I can not do anything. It kills me a little each day to know that I will never be able to be what you want me to be. I am never going to be the perfect Lady. I have wanted to tell you, but I ne'er wanted to see that look in your eyes, that disappointment because I can not measure up... because I have failed."
Ciar took a deep breath and wiped her face again. "If you think I just do whatever I want, then you do not know me at all.... because I would have followed after you and Connall the first time you left, but I stayed, both times, because I did what you wanted. I wore a dress to the ball, because that is what you would have wanted. Just once I wanted to do something because I wanted to and not because I was expected to." The entire time she's talking, she's crying, though luckily she isn't stuttering or anything. "But, okay. You don't trust me anymore. I guess I deserve that. I will follow your wishes." She would lower her gaze and curtsey to him, "May I please be excused?" At that moment, she wanted nothing more than to run off and finish crying alone, but she was trying to be strong and 'wait for permission.'
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Post by Lorcan MacAteer on Aug 17, 2014 18:15:47 GMT
Lorcan would blink when she started to say that she was being a stupid girl, his brows furrowing as he watched tears spill from her eyes. What was with women crying around him lately? He’d given her what she wanted, she shouldn’t be crying. Though, when she began to speak about not doing anything right and that all she could ever do was follow him and Connall, but that she always got left behind anyways, and that she would never be what he wanted he would groan, lifting his hands to scrub them roughly over his face. “Oh, Princess,” he would mutter, trying to figure out what to do only to have her continue speaking, and finally ask to be excused. He would sputter at her question, never having made her obtain his permission before she left, and unsure what to do now. When she straightened from the curtsey he would sigh and shake his head, reaching out to grab her in a hug and not giving her a chance to push him away. He honestly felt like an ass, though he wasn’t quite sure how she had turned it around to make him feel like the bad guy.
“Princess, I don’t want you to be the perfect lady if you don’t want to be one. I don’t want you to wear dresses to balls if you don’t want to. And I don’t expect you to do anything except keep me in the loop. I don’t lie to you, I expect you not to lie to me,” he would say, pushing her back just a bit in order to look at her face. “I want you to tell me things, Princess. I want to be involved in your life,” he would say, still frowning. “What would you do if our positions were reversed, huh? What if you were the idiot big brother and I was the conniving little sister?” he would ask, though his tone was more playful now. He was always trying to move on from things; he didn’t want to stay upset with her, and he liked to think that she wouldn’t want to stay upset with him.
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Post by Ciar MacAteer on Aug 18, 2014 1:50:18 GMT
Ciar was dragged into one of Lorcan's hugs, and her raging emotions quietly fluttered out like a candle. Sometimes a girl just needs a hug to feel reassured that everything was mostly okay. Or maybe it was just her. She sniffled and then hiccuped, hugging Lorcan back fiercely, as though afraid to let go for fear that he'd disappear again and leave her alone. Though she would let go when he pulled back to look at her. She felt rather awful from crying, but she listened to him intently when he spoke, feeling stupid that she had not realized he didn't completely care about those things. She had just thought that if she was good enough, Connall and Lorcan wouldn't keep leaving her behind. "Really Lor?" She took a deep breath and exhaled it. "I won't lie or keep anything from you, I promise. I just thought that if I was better, I could go with you and Connall. I want to be like you so much, I want you to be proud of me." She started sniffling again and wiped at her face again. "I really can not handle you being upset with me. I'm sorry I got so upset. Next time I'll tell you when I'm upset." She took another deep breath and then shook her head. "I do not want to even think of being the big brother with an impulsive sister." She shook her head again, then a little laugh escaped her. "I would probably lock myself up in a tower until I saw sense... but I am glad we talked about this. I'm sorry I was afraid to talk to you about it." She sighed softly, feeling like an emotional rollercoaster. "You are the best brother ever. You really think someone would take me for a Squire?" she asked hopefully.
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